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Location: UFOUpDatesList.Com > 1999 > Jan > Jan 30

Blather: Ancient Irish Astronauts

From: Daev Walsh <Blather <daev@blather.net>
Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 02:59:10 +0000
Fwd Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 18:40:02 -0500
Subject: Blather: Ancient Irish Astronauts

B  L  A  T  H  E  R

p a r a n o r m a l   p r o v o c a t e u r i s m

By Dave (daev) Walsh daev@blather.net
Web: http://www.blather.net
January 29th 1999, Dublin, Ireland   Vol 2. No. 36

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Ancient Irish Astronauts

Blather received this week a smattering of emails - actually we
exaggerate, it was just the one - which accused us of undue
sarcasm and a careless flexibility with 'the facts'. To assure
the readership that we would never stoop to such heights, what
follows is perhaps a Real and Factual Account of A Possibly
Fictional Hypothesis.

Much ado has been made about the great 120m stainless steel
spike which is soon to adorn the central island of Dublin's
O'Connell St., but little has been made of its importance as a
monument to the golden (or iron pyrite) age of Irish space
travel. In the beginning, there was the 205ft (62.5m) great
granite Wellington obelisk in the Phoenix Park - not a monument
to rubberised footwear, as some folk are wont to think, but
built as transportation for the reluctant Dubliner who favoured
that infamous boot, the 1st Duke of Wellington (a.k.a. Arthur
Wellesley, 1769-1852), when fears of a post-Napoleonic
Interplanetary War were at their peak.

Unfortunately, though building commenced in 1817, the spacecraft
(adorned with battle scenes cast from captured cannon) was not
completed until 1861, some nine years after the Duke's demise.
It was then thought too heavy to catapult beyond gravity's

The next notable entry into the Hibernian Space Race was Michael
'The Big Fella' Collins (1890-1922), recently hyper-immortalised
by actor Liam Neeson in one of those 'talkie' moving picture by
esteemed local director Neil Jordan. Collins was one of the
military blackguards (as opposed to the Black and Tans) behind
the events leading to the formation of the Irish Free State in
1921. He subsequently served as Commander-in-Chief of the Irish
army. Thanks to the negotiations between Eamon De Valera, Harry
Boland and NASA, Michael Collins was the first Irishman in
space, remaining in lunar orbit while his Apollo 11 colleagues
Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong went walkabout on the moon. Some
commentators reckon that Collins didn't survive the impact of
the command module into the Pacific Ocean on July 24th 1969,
while the majority accept that he met his end in B=E9alnaBl=E1th
(The Mouth of Flowers), near Bandon, West Cork, on August 22nd
1922. Discrepancies between many of the reports lead to
suggestions from some quarters that the moon-landings were
hoaxed by Sinn F=E9in - subject matter for a forthcoming tribunal
in Dublin Castle.

This age of Irish Astronautism came to an end when Nelson's
Pillar (illuminated by a Professor Gluckman in 1849, when men
were men and electricians were professors) met a sticky end in
1966, a tragedy comparable to the 1986 Challenger Shuttle
incident. The Pillar's exit from the centre stage of Dublin's
skyward-looking lifestyle is far from a simple matter however,
with various factions vying for and denying the notoriety of
having done away with it on the 50th anniversary of the 1916
Rising, when Cork seer, astronaut and soldier Michael Collins
performed his extraordinary powers of levitation for a waving
and cheering populace outside the General Post Office on
O'Connell St, then known as Sackville St.

[General Post Office and Nelson's Pillar (engraving by the
Brocas family 1820)

Of course, not many people know that Collins found plenty of
time to frequent O'Heffner and Synge's *Playboy Club of Western
Europe*, a late-night wine bar in the basement of Speranza's
house in Lower Leeson St. It was here in the Playboy Club that
Lady Hazel Lavery, Collins' fiance Kitty Kiernan and a Chinese
girl called Chango (clad only in myxomatosis-free bunny-hide,
she soon left to inhabit the moon) were introduced to
intergalactic society by The O'Heffner.

Today Ireland's contribution to space exploration is more
subtle, with technological involvement in various projects, most
notably the European Space Agency and the Dublin Institute for
Advanced Studies School of Cosmic Physics. The Institute was
once lauded by his holiness Myles na gCopaleen for having proved
that there were two St.
Patricks and no God.

Dave (daev) Walsh
29th January 1999


*Nelson's Farewell* - The Dubliners song about the Nelson Pillar
Space Project

Two St. Patricks

Lepufology, rabbits and Chinese girls on the moon. To be found in
*The New Inquisition*, Robert Anton Wilson

European Space Agency

Dublin Institute for Advanced Studies School of Cosmic Physics

Wellington Obelisk

The O'Connell Street Spike

Michael Collins

Michael Collins - the movie

The General Post Office on O'Connell Street or Sackville Street as it
was then known.


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